Thursday, August 28, 2014


Today is the first day that I feel like we're finally getting the hang of the new schedules and routine around here. With everyone at new schools, it has been tricky getting used to what time everyone is coming and going. There are new school start times, different bus stops, everything is very different than it was last school year. This past week has been tricky trying to keep track of it and make sure everyone gets where they need to go. Yesterday Mathew's piano teacher called and wanted to change his piano lesson time and he asked me what time Matthew gets home from school. I was like a deer in the headlights with the very simple question, lol. I had no idea, I couldn't remember. There is just too much new information in my head right now and I'm having trouble keeping it all straight.

When I have stress in my life, it tends to manifest itself in really bizarre dreams. Last night I had a dream that we had to take Clarissa back to Korea. Like she had been on loan all this time but Korea needed her back now. We went to drop her off and suddenly I realized that we had to give her back for good and I was panicking and begging them to let us keep her. I pulled out my cellphone and frantically tried to show them photos of how happy she is in our family to try to convince them to let us keep her. It was awful. They did decide to let us keep her, and then we ended up on some crazy tour of Korea that made no sense.

Then I had a dream that I woke up and realized that during the night I had sent some racy text messages to an old boyfriend, like sleep walking only sleep texting, I guess, and I was completely horrified when I realized what I had done.

I seriously woke up this morning and it took me a moment to orient myself and realize that I did NOT send racy text messages to anyone and that Clarissa wasn't going back to Korea. Whew. It was a weird night.

But this morning I got everyone off to school and I feel like I have a better handle on my day. We're getting used to the routine and every day is a little less hectic than the last. But now that summer is over and everyone is back to school I feel like I have a million projects that I was putting off until summer was over. I came back in the house after getting Clarissa on the bus this morning and I just had this moment of "oh crap, where do I start?". All summer I've kind of been putting projects on the back burner and telling myself that I would deal with it when the kids went back to school. Well, guess what, the time is here, and now I've left myself a mess of things to do. It's possible that I shouldn't have put it all off. Why do I do that to myself?

So I have a million things to keep myself busy for a while. Life keeps plowing forward, I guess. It has been a very interesting experience watching life change around me over the past several months. All three kids left their old schools, my mom moved to Malaysia, Shawn's pharmacy moved and all three kids started a new chapter of their schooling. And through it all, I remained the same. Nothing changed for me. I felt like the eye of the hurricane, with everything swirling around me. I mean, in a way, I guess everything changed for me. I had to adapt to everyone else's changes, and that affected me.  But everyone else is in new places, learning new things, adapting to new surroundings, and I'm And maybe I'm a bit envious of everyone's change. As much as I say I hate change, I wouldn't mind an occasional change of scenery. I try to shake things up in my life occasionally, but in the end, it's still just me, doing my same thing.

I had a very eye opening conversation recently with a new friend about going back to college. Going back to college sounds absolutely terrifying to me. But also, incredibly exciting. I have a million reasons why going back to school is a really dumb idea. It's really expensive and I don't know if I could afford it, I'm worried about whether I'd be able to keep up, I feel too old, I'm not even sure I would want to give up being a stay at home mom even if I had career potential, and just the logistics of juggling school and kids feels impossible to me. But also...sometimes I imagine myself back in school, doing the things I wished I had done two decades ago, using my brain, having stimulating discussions about things I love, and that sounds amazing. Like, really, really amazing.

So I've been having a mental debate with myself lately. I have no idea which side is going to win. Change is terrifying for me. Sometimes it seems a lot easier to stick with what I know and just keep plugging along doing the things I've always done. My life is stable, I like being home for my kids, and there is no need for me to shake any of that up. But there is that little part of me...

So that's what's on my mind lately. So much change and inner turmoil. This year has just been full of change, and for someone who is always in my head the way I am, it has been a lot to process. This has officially been the year of change, and I guess my role in it all has just been to try to keep up. And I'm just doing the best to manage the hurricane that is swirling around me.

Monday, August 25, 2014

First day of school!

Today was the first day of school for Josh and Matthew. Big changes this year with Matthew moving up to middle school and Josh moving up to high school. I think I was more nervous than they were this morning! I watched the clock all day waiting for them to come home and tell me how it went.

And fortunately, it went great for both of them! They found their classes, found some friends and there were no major problems. Whew.

Here are their annual first day of school photos!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Still sick :(

This is the worst time for me to be sick, but it doesn't seem to be letting up. I have pretty much had no voice for three days. I sound terrible. It feels like I'm swallowing glass every time I swallow. I was up all night because swallowing kept waking me up. Then when I did sleep I kept having the most bizarre dreams. I had a dream that we went on vacation and Josh got lost and ended up staying in another hotel but when we went to get him he wasn't there and no one knew where he had gone. I hate dreams like that. I woke up in a panic about Josh being gone and had to calm myself back down. And my cat was super excited that someone was awake in the middle of the night, so he decided it was a good time for us to bond, and as much as I love the cats, I don't really want to play with them so much at three in the morning. It was a long night.

So I'm on day three of rearranging my plans so I can sit here and be sick. I think my kids are enjoying the fact that mom can't talk so much, lol.

Thankfully after working for the past three Saturdays in a row, Shawn is off this Saturday so he can help me finish up the rest of the back to school stuff. I still need to go shoe shopping with Matthew.

One fun thing I have failed to mention is that we have a puppy in our lives now. Well sort of, lol. Our next door neighbors are a retired couple who travel a lot and Josh has been their cat sitter for a few years when they go on vacation. He has gotten to know them really well and he does a great job pet sitting for them. Well, a few weeks ago they came home from one of their trips with a new puppy! I think he's half black lab and half boarder collie. I think. Something like that. He pretty much looks like a fluffy black lab. He's super cute! And now Josh has been spending the past couple of weeks being trained in puppy care so he can take care of him while they're out of town. He's been going over there every day so he can get used to the puppy and get used to how to care for him while they're away.

They're getting ready to leave, so while they're gone Josh is on puppy duty, but he starts school next week, so I'll be helping out too. I love dogs but Shawn has always been adamantly against getting one, so I've been joking that now we can dog share with the neighbors, and because they're gone so much, they're kind of good with that actually. They've encouraged us to let him play in our yard, take him on walks, etc. It's kind of all the fun parts of having a dog, but he lives next door and we can take him home when we need a puppy break!

So once I'm feeling better I'm excited to have some puppy time. Clarissa's afternoon bus stop is in a different place than her morning stop and requires a short walk though the neighborhood behind us. So I think I might start taking the dog with me on my walk to pick her up. I've actually always wanted a dog to walk. I'm kind of excited to have a dog in our life, even if it really belongs to the neighbors. :)

So that's what I'm looking forward to when I'm feeling better. But for now I am going to take some Tylenol, lay here and attempt to swallow without wanting to cry. Ugh. :(

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The good and the bad

First of all, I owe Josh an apology. While I was having my back to school rant yesterday I forgot to mention that we actually did have fun at the mall buying pants yesterday! We bought pants and then went to Orange Julius and The pretzel place. That was actually super fun. I love hanging out with my boys. Thank you Josh, for reminding me to focus on the positive. :)  I took this picture yesterday. I love my kids!!

Second, Shawn took the boys to get their hair cut this afternoon and they stopped by the middle school so Matthew could practice opening his locker again and put his school supplies in it so he doesn't have to bring them all the first day. Shawn just texted me this picture and it made me cry!

I'm super emotional about all these changes! Josh has spent the past three years at that middle school and now he's back there helping Matthew as he starts his middle school journey. He helped him figure out how to use his lock and set up his locker shelf and showed him around and gave him advice. Matthew is lucky to have a great big brother to show him the ropes. I was so nervous when Josh started middle school because we had no idea what to expect. With Josh to guide Matthew it's much less nerve wracking. 

So those are the good things that are happening. Unfortunately, in the midst of all of this, I managed to get sick. :( I had a sore throat yesterday but ignored it. Today my voice is almost completely gone, my body hurts and I feel terrible. Ugh. So I had to cancel my plans for today and rearrange some things so I could spend the day sitting here and feeling crappy. I really don't have time for this. Let's hope it passes quickly!

Monday, August 18, 2014

I'm tired!

It it September yet, because seriously I've just about had more than I can take of crazy August. I dread August every year. This back to school stuff goes on for weeks. And that, along with Shawn's pharmacy moving least week has made our household a little crazy lately.

So first, Shawn's pharmacy. I mentioned before that they were moving it. The building they were in wasn't working for them anymore. The pharmacy used to have two parts, a retail pharmacy in the front and a long term care pharmacy in the back. A few years ago they closed the retail pharmacy and expanded the long term care pharmacy. The business is doing well, but the building didn't function as well anymore for what they needed it for. It's a great retail space, but it no longer works for what they use it for.

So they announced last year that they were looking for a new building that was bigger and could give them a better work flow. After a long search they found a nice location and have been remodeling it and getting it ready to move into. This past weekend was the big move. Shawn worked very long hours helping them move. They can't really close down the business to move, so they had to somehow keep working in the middle of moving. It was tricky and exhausting and we didn't see a whole lot of Shawn for a few days. This morning was their first day at the new building and the phones still weren't working right and they're still trying to get things set up and well, I saw a vein in Shawn's forehead that I don't see very often, lol. He has worked six days a week for the past three week, plus his volunteer church duties on his only free days, so he's exhausted. Shawn's a trooper and he almost never complains. But this is starting to wear him down. Hopefully it's all going to start settling back down for him soon.

In the midst of that, I'm in back to school hell. Having all three kids in different schools is going to be a bit of a challenge. Clarissa started last week and the boys start next week. That means that all the back to school stuff just gets dragged on forever. And since it's a new school for all three kids there are a ton of meetings and orientations and school tours and meet the teacher events, so I've been driving kids back and forth to their schools for those things. We found all of Josh's classes at the high school, helped Matthew figure out his locker at his school, got them both registered and tomorrow I have to take Matthew back to the school for 6th grade orientation.

That has been in the middle of figuring out Clarissa's bus schedule, she gets picked up in the morning and dropped off at midday in two different places, so I've been getting used to that schedule. Kindergarten is tricky because you barely have time to get anything started before you have to switch gears and go pick them up. I'm keeping my eye on the clock constantly because I'm afraid I'm going to lose track of time and forget to go get her. All three of my kids will come and go at vastly different times this year, so once the boys are in school I'm going to be spending a lot of time watching the clock and tying to figure out who is coming and going and at what time. I need one of those Mrs. Weasley clocks. Why isn't that a thing?

And then there's the school clothes and the school supplies, and everyone needs new shoes, and Josh wears a ridiculous size of jeans that almost don't exsist, so I've been trying to buy him pants for three weeks.

And then, in the midst of it all, Saturday night I was finally relaxing, eating cinnamon bears, which are my favorite, and suddenly I thought, "uh, why is there a rock in my cinnamon bear?". It wasn't a rock, it was a crown. You know my long saga with the stupid crowns on my teeth? One fell off. Of course it did. On a weekend, because everything happens when you can't call the doctor. So I had no tooth all weekend until I could call them this morning. And when I called them this morning she reminded me that the boys had appointments this week so she moved them up and we all had to go to the dentist today.

So this morning I took Clarissa to the bus stop, got myself ready, got the boys in the car and we headed over to the mall to make another attempt to buy Josh some jeans that fit. We were finally successful and I spent way too much money on jeans. I've gone past the point of being thrifty about it. They fit? They cost five million dollars? Awesome, we'll take them, hold on a moment while I sell a kidney. I can not spend one more day looking for jeans.

Then we went school supply shopping and bought notebooks and binders and pens and pencils all that fun stuff for the boys. I also needed to buy Matthew some shoes, but by that time we had to go get Clarissa, so we abandoned those plans and picked up Clarissa.

I got her home, got some home business taken care of and it was time to load everyone in the car for a trip to the dentist. We all know how I feel about the dentist. Uuugh. I was considering just living with the missing tooth forever. Fortunately I still had the crown and it was in one pice and they were able to get it back on without having to make a new one. But it was a tooth that is way in the back of my mouth and getting it re-cemented back in wasn't the most fun I ever had. But it's done, I survived, the kids survived their appointments and now I'm home and tired and waiting for Shawn to show up, and I know he's going to be even more exhausted than I am. We're so ordering pizza tonight.

Tomorrow Shawn will go back into work and attempt to navigate his new workplace and I will get Clarissa off to school, take Matthew to 6th grade orientation and cross my fingers that I make it back in time to go pick Clarissa up and then drag everyone to the shoe store in an attempt to buy Matthew some new shoes and hope I get home before everyone has hair cuts in the afternoon.

School really needs to just hurry up and start for the boys so all of this running around and preparing for it can finally end. I need everyone to go to school so I can sit in a quiet house for five seconds and breathe.

Of course, knowing me I will hustle them all out the door so I can have some much needed alone time and five minutes later I will miss them so much that I'll be watching the clock and waiting for them to come back. Being a mom is emotionally confusing, lol.

So now I'm off to do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm going to sit here and stare at the ceiling for 15 minutes until Shawn comes home. And I'm going to love every single minute of it.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Busy day!!

Today has been a super busy day full of ups and downs and excitement and sadness and it's only 2:30 in the afternoon. Whew!

This morning I got Clarissa off to school and then took the boys to the orthodontist. Josh got his braces tightened and today was the big day for Matthew, he got braces on his front teeth!

Oh, before I tell this story I need to back up and tell another story before I forget. I was going to post about this yesterday and forgot. Tomorrow is Matthew's 11th birthday! But since he was getting braces on today and his teeth will be sore tomorrow and Shawn has to work late tomorrow because tomorrow is the day they're moving his pharmacy, we celebrated his birthday yesterday. We did presents, ate cake and ice cream, Shawn took him and Josh to a movie and we had a family Wii tournament last night, which is Matthew's favorite thing. We totally did the whole birthday thing, just two days early. It was super fun and he was excited that we got to do it early.

 So now back to today's story, Matthew got braces today. He has a whole complicated tooth situation that they're trying to fix that will take years, but today was the beginning of phase one. He got braces on his four top and bottom front teeth. They're hoping to start moving his overbite back so they can start working on his jaw issues.

So it's only a few braces in the front, but he was super nervous about it. Josh just went through the whole braces thing a few months ago, so Josh assured him that it was no big deal. Matthew is usually my calm, cool and collected kid. Nothing phases him. I figured he'd get through it just fine. They got the braces on, he came out, they said it went great, we made appointments for next time, got out to the car and Matthew lost it a little bit. I felt so bad for him. I think it was all just really overwhelming for him. They went over all the ways he has to care for his braces, how to brush them, how to floss them, all the things he can't eat, etc, and I think all of the information and all of the change just shut him down for a minute. It always breaks my heart when he's sad because it just so rarely happens. He's so easy going that it almost surprises me when he gets upset. I always just expect him to take things in stride because he usually does. But like I told him today, sometimes it's OK to take a break from keeping it all together.

He had a rough moment, we hugged it out, Josh assured him that it gets better and by the time we got home he was doing better. He's going to be fine, after a week or so the braces will feel normal and they won't bother him so much, but today it was a lot to get used to.

So we recovered from that trauma and then Josh and I went over to the high school to get him registered and tour the school. So, I case I haven't already mentioned it a million times (I know, I have) Josh got in to a really amazing college prep school this year. I am so excited about this school I can hardly stand it. He's so lucky to get to go there. I wish I was going there, I love that place! He really wanted to go and we were so excited when he got in. It's going to be an incredible experience for him. If all goes well he will hopefully graduated from high school with his college associates degree. He already has a career in mind, he really wants to be an actuary, which requires a bachelors degree and a bunch of licensing exams. So when he graduates he'll only have two years of college left, which he's really going to be happy about.

The actual school building is really cool and not a typical high school at all. It used to be a manufacturing plant, and it's got a bit of an industrial vibe. It's kind of cool. The school is actually also attached to an Idaho State University satellite campus, so it also has kind of a college campus feel. The school is run a bit more like a college than a high school. Because it's a school full of academic, college focused kids, they can do some things there that they can't do in typical high schools.

It's also a smaller student body and it's all kind of the same sort of kids, more of the studious academic types, so it's a very supportive atmosphere, which I like. There are no sports teams, so there aren't really jocks and cheerleaders and a lot of the cliques that exist in regular high schools. The vibe I get is that everyone is in it together and there is a lot of support for each other. Because the academic program is so rigorous, they all kind of work together and support each other through it.

When we were there today we stopped by a table where freshmen could sign up to have an upperclassman buddy. Josh signed up and his buddy will text him and e-mail him and see if he needs help or show him around on the first day or even tutor him if he needs help with something. I love that. What a cool atmosphere to be in. The whole time we were there today I just couldn't get over what a cool place it is. I wish every high school could run this way.

I'm nervous about how tough the program is, because it's basically honors and AP everything, with almost no electives, but Josh feels prepared for it and it's something he really wants to do. I'm proud of him for all the great choices he's making and I'm so excited to see what the future holds for him. He's so incredibly focused and goal oriented. He's got a handle on life that I wish I had at his age. Or frankly, my current age, lol.

So here is a photo rundown of my day.

While Matthew was getting his braces on, Josh and I were discussing how he's going to have to eat soft foods for a few days and that made us crave pasta, so since we had an hour to kill while Matthew was getting braces, we went to Noodles and ate spaghetti and meatballs at 10:30 in the morning.(Matthew hates pasta, so we didn't feel bad about going without him.) That sounds super ridiculous,
and it really was. But sometimes it's way fun to do something ridiculous with your kids.

Then we came home and consoled Matthew. This isn't a great picture. I'm going to do better pictures for his birthday tomorrow. But I think he looks super awesome with his new braces!

The it was off to high school. The fact that I have a child in high school really freaks me out. I'm not sure how time flew by so quickly, but if he has to go to high school, at least he gets to go to a cool one!

Tune in tomorrow when I have another freak out after I register Matthew for middle school. All this change is exhausting!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014


Well, it's official. The first day of Kindergarten is here and I sent my baby off to school. She was nervous and excited and I think she'll do fine. It won't stop be from worrying about her all morning, but I think she's going to do just fine.

Here she is on her first day!



Monday, August 11, 2014

I won the bus stop war!!

Remember the other day when I said I was having my yearly battle with the bus depot? Every year I tell them that we have the most unreasonable bus stop in the history of bus stops and every year they tell me too bad.

This year was no different. I called them and this time I got a really nice lady who also has kids and and sympathized with my plight but still told me they couldn't do anything about it. I grumbled about it for a few days and let it go.

Clarissa starts school tomorrow so today we went over to the school to meet her teacher and drop off her supplies. They had bus lists posted on the wall and I checked it, expecting to see the same thing I was already told.....and they changed the bus stop!!!!

I went to the office and made them double check because I thought that surely it was a mistake. Nope!! The bus stop is now at the end of my street. HAPPY DAY!!!

I came home and looked it up online to see what the deal was, because I've been told they couldn't stop here because we're in a walk zone for another school, and it appears that they have shifted the walk zone back. My street is no longer a walk zone!!

I'm mind boggled by this sudden turn of events, lol. Did some kind soul at the bus depot finally take up my cause and get the problem fixed? If so I feel like I need to find that person and send them a muffin basket or something, lol. They just saved me from another year of having to drive across the very busy street by my house to take my kids to the dumbest bus stop on the planet and then driving back across the street again every afternoon to pick them up.

That's all it took to get this thing fixed, just moving the walk zone back a street. I have begged and pleaded for YEARS. And maybe it wasn't even me who got it fixed. Maybe it was a completely unrelated event that caused them to fix it. I don't care, all I know is that when I'm happily skipping myself four houses down the street with Clarissa to the totally reasonable bus stop this year, I will be silently thanking whoever it was at the bus depot that finally got this thing fixed!!!

(PS, I'm sending my baby to Kindergarten tomorrow. I can't decide if I want to do a dance or sob uncontrollably. Check back tomorrow and I'll let you know which one I chose. If you're placing a bet, put your money on the sobbing.)

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

True stories of a teenager

I swear this story is true. You're not going to believe that it's possible, but it happened, lol. :)

We're all super crazy busy this week. Shawn left early this morning for his first fill in shift in another town, so he's going to be gone most of the next four days, I spent the morning making a ridiculous amount of popcorn and boxing it into 30 boxes for a church youth activity tonight, I watching a friends daughter tomorrow and then both the boys have doctors appointments in the afternoon and I'm taking everyone school shopping. We just have a really full plate right now. Everyone is busy and juggling several things.

After spending the morning making 30 boxes of popcorn (I did it on the stove in the whirlypop and I had to make a ton of batches and it was hot and sweaty and took way longer than I thought it was going to), I went up to take a shower and while I was in the bathroom I heard Josh's friend from across the street call to see if Josh could come over. They spend most days together so I assumed he would go.

But he told the kid he couldn't hang out today and, true story, decided to spend the day cleaning the house so that Shawn and I would have one less thing to do during our busy week. He did the dishes, mopped the floors, cleaned up Clarissa's toys, vacuumed, was pretty much the greatest moment in teenage history.

I LOVE that kid. I don't know where he came from, but I love him, lol. And this moment needed to be documented because I want him to publicly know how much I appreciate him. He rocks.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

More piano

I know, it's mom brag central, but I can't help myself. :)

Matthew is a little over two months into piano lessons and I'm so amazed at how quickly he has picked it up and so happy to see how much he enjoys it. I can't help but share his latest song. I'm really proud of him!

Monday, August 4, 2014

It's August!

Well, the lazy days of July have come to a close and it's time to get back to work. The past few weeks have been delightfully low key and the next few weeks are just going to be pure insanity.

This week Shawn will be filling in at a pharmacy in a small town about an hour away from here for a few days. He knows the guy who owns that pharmacy and every now and then they need a fill in when someone goes on vacation. The pay is really good and it's an easy gig, so he's actually taking a couple of vacation days from his regular job to fill it at another job. He gets paid for his vacation from his regular job, makes good money for a few days of fill in work at the other job and now I don't feel like I have to take out a second mortgage to put braces on my children's teeth, lol. I love it when life works out.

So financially it makes sense, but it means that Shawn will pretty much be gone all week. It's a long shift and a long commute, so he'll leave early and come home late for most of the week. Then next week his pharmacy is finally moving to their new building, so he's going to be swamped for a while helping with the move and getting the new location up and running. It will be a little change for us having him working at a different location. I think the commute time is going to be about the same as far as we can tell, it's just in a different direction. It's a better location for the pharmacy, in a bigger building that will suit their needs better.

So I don't plan on seeing much of Shawn for the next couple of weeks. He'll be working six days a week for the next three weeks. We're lucky that he has a job with good hours and a short commute, so he's usually home a lot, so it throws me off a bit when he's gone. I like having him around!

And it kind of comes at a crappy time, because our schedule is totally packed for the next couple of weeks. Clarissa starts kindergarten next week, everyone has school registrations, orientations and teacher meetings, Matthew's birthday is next week and he's also getting his braces on, and I have to go school supply shopping for everyone.

Getting everyone organized to go back to school is a big job. I just spent the morning on the phone with the school bus department trying to figure out Kindergarten bussing. I have a huge frustration with the bussing situation every year, and I thought this year was going to be better because the district has hired a private bus company to handle it, but it's still frustrating.

My kids bus stop is in a ridiculous location. I've put up with it because my boys were older and could handle it, but I think it's completely unreasonable for Kindergartener. The problem is that I don't send our kids to the regular neighborhood elementary school, they go to a magnet school that is farther away. The magnet school offers bussing, but because we fall on the edge of the walk zone for the neighborhood school we don't attend, the bus won't stop at our street (even though they drive PAST it) because we're in the walk zone. The walk zone for a school they don't attend!! They're not in the walk zone for the school they DO attend, and their bus has to drive right past our street either way, it just won't stop here because it's a walk zone for a different school. So our bus stop is farther away, outside the walk zone, across a large, busy road with no crosswalks that is unreasonable to expect a five year old to safely cross, so I have to drive her to the bus stop and drive to pick her up, because I won't let her cross the street. Which sort of defeats the purpose of bussing. And every year I throw a fit about it for about a week and then I suck it up and deal with it. This just happens to be that week, lol. It's not that big of a deal, it's just ridiculous and SO easily fixed, but they won't fix it, and it's like beating my head against the wall every year when I have to discuss it.

So between Shawn being super busy for the next few weeks and all the places I have to be and things I have to organize, our lazy summer is officially over. I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to be at the orthodontist with Matthew and high school registration with Josh at the same time next week. Now that I've had my yearly bus stop meltdown, solving that dilemma is next on my list.

So life is busy for a few weeks. August is always a crazy month. And this year, with Shawn moving the pharmacy and all three kids starting new schools, there is going to be a lot of change and adjustment. And knowing that I tend to fail at change and adjustment, I'm preparing for battle, lol. I vow to plow through all of this and not fall apart about it (well, mostly) and in September when it's all behind me I will throw myself a little party for getting through it. That's my plan, wish me luck. :)