Sunday, October 12, 2008

High School flashbacks

I had the weirdest dream about high school last night! My high school friends were there, my high school boyfriend was there and it felt oddly real. So I've had high school in my head all day.

Am I the only one that kind of misses high school sometimes? Most people say that they'd never want to go back and do it again, but I think I would! I would love to rewind life and spend a day back in high school. Life was pretty simple back then. Being the overdramatic teenage girl that I was, I'm sure that I probably didn't think so at the time, but looking back, it really was a fun and free time of my life.

Not that life now isn't fun, because I really do enjoy where I'm at, but it's different now. Josh is always telling me that he can't wait to grow up because then he can do what he wants and I keep telling him that being a kid is the time when you really get to do what you want. When you're a grown up you have to pay bills and go to work and do laundry and mow the lawn and feed people three times a day. I think every parent tells their kids to enjoy their childhood and to try not to grow up to fast, but I don't think any child ever listens until they grow up and realize that their parents were right!

I wish I could go back to high school knowing what I know now and REALLY enjoy it. I didn't know it at the time, but life was going to change in huge ways for me when high school was over. I lived in the same house for pretty much my entire life. I had a good family and I graduated with the same kids I went to Kindergarten with. When I was in high school I really thought I had life figured out. I was going to go to college to be a psychologist, marry my high school boyfriend, live in the same town I grew up in and nothing was ever going to change.

Then high school was over and I hated college, I got dumped by the boyfriend, my dad got cancer and passed away, my mom got remarried and sold the house I grew up in and EVERYTHING changed. Going back to the town I grew up in now is kind of weird. Nothing is the same. My friends are gone, my family is different, and someone else lives in my house. It took me a few years after all that upheaval to really process it and deal with it.

Wow, I'm really a downer today! What's up with that? A weird high school dream has put me in a funk! I love my life now, so I don't know why I'm in such a weird mood today. I rarely think this much about the past, I only ever get in this funk when I have a weird high school dream or sometimes when I go back to the town I grew up in and realize again how much things have changed. I'm not unhappy with how my life has turned out at all, so I can't explain the weird mood I'm in today. Someone tell me that I'm not the only one that occasionally gets this way! Does everyone do a mental rewind of their life on occasion?

Maybe it's just the gloomy weather outside that is making feel out of sorts today. It's been pretty dark and cloudy outside for the past few days and today it's making me feel dark and cloudy. I'm going to go make some popcorn, snuggle up with Shawn and the kids and watch a movie. I've had my trip down memory lane and now I'm going to focus on the kids and the exciting future ahead.


Christie said...

I miss high school also. Facebook etc doesn't really help, it just adds those people back into your life that should or shouldn't have been there in the first place. I am nearing 40 and am getting old. I wasn't old in high school and I didn't have gray hair. My life is good, but there is always the past that hangs onto you.

Jenn said...

I definitely do the past rewind thing and sometimes it really bums me out, not because I'm not happy about where I'm at, it's just weird... hard to explain! And not just highschool either, all sorts of past events can get me in this weird funk! You're not alone. And I really hate those really 'real' dreams that give you funny feelings.

Ami said...

You're definitely not alone. I, too, had all sorts of dreams while in high school that have not been the way my life turned out. Not that I would change what I have now, but it's just sometimes odd to look back and realize just how different things are. I was just in that funk last week, as we visited my hometown (Nampa, btw) and I went through the whole 'everything is so different' thing. Sigh...

Jaime said...

I LOVED highschool and would go back in a hearbeat if I could take back what I know now!!!