Monday, November 3, 2008

Mothers

It's 2:30am in Korea right now.

Somewhere out there there is a foster mother watching over our sweet little Clarissa as she sleeps. I wonder if she gave her a warm bath tonight. I wonder if Clarisssa was rocked to sleep and sung a lullaby. I wonder if there is someone there to smell her sweet baby smell and snuggle with her and make her smile. I hope that she's warm, I hope that she's safe and I hope that she feels loved.

Somewhere out there there is also a birth mother, grieving for the baby she couldn't keep. I wonder if she's lying in bed right know wondering who is taking care of her baby, just like I am. I don't know why she chose to place her for adoption, and I don't know if I'll ever know, but I do know that she must be hurting right now. I hope that she has peace. I hope that there is someone there to hug her and tell her that it's going to be OK. I wish that she could know how loved Clarissa already is and how much I will always appreciate her special gift. Clarissa will be raised not to think of her birth mother as the woman who gave her away, but the woman who loved her so much that wanted more for Clarissa than she was able to give.

In Idaho it's 10:30am.

I'm sitting on my bed right now wondering about the future. I wonder what Clarissa will look like. I wonder if she'll struggle with being adopted. I wonder if she'll ever fully understand how much she was loved and wanted from the moment she was born. I wonder what she'll be when she grows up. What talents will she carry on from her birth family? I wonder if she'll be a princess who loves pink or a tomboy who catches bugs, like I was. I wonder if she'll love to read or dance or draw. I wonder what it will feel like to finally have her here, in my arms, knowing that she's finally ours forever.

Three mothers. We may never meet but we've all got the same sweet little girl in our hearts today.

The time is now 10:44. I'm 14 minutes closer to having sweet Clarissa in my arms.

8 comments:

Katelynn said...

Idaho... that answers my question. :) (I was too lazy to go figure it out!)

I love your posts like this. I can't wait for the day you get to hold your little Clarissa in your arms... and I don't even know you! :)

Turn these pages into a book for your baby. My mom wrote me letters when I was young... reading them brings tears to my eyes, but they are SOOO important to me.

Posts like this are going to inspire your baby girl. :)

Katelynn said...

PS - I moved you from "mommy blogs" in my reader to "inspiration."

Your family is truly an inspiration. :)

Wenders11 said...

That's so sweet. It's nice to know that someone enjoys my ramblings!! :)

MamaMia said...

I read every post, hoping you are closer to Clarissa coming home to you. I am pg myself, and can feel your desire to add that little girl right into the family.

Tayva said...

I have to agree with the previous comments! I too am so inspired by your story! When I read your blog entries I can feel your excitement and the amazing love you have for this precious girl! It makes me want to hug and hold my little girls a little bit longer and a little bit tighter! I can't wait til Clarissa is in your arms - I can't imagine all the emotions you'll have when that time comes! What an amazing journey you and your family are truly on!

Minyo said...

Beautifully written! Clarissa will love hearing about her journey into your heart and how she was chosen to be part of your family.

Chelsie said...

You almost made me cry.

Dana said...

Hi Wendy--although you don't know me i found your blog through LDS BBC(long time lurker) i wanted to say a big congrats on your progression on adopting from Korea--I served my mission in the Pusan mission and loved every minute of it. One thing I know for sure is that your baby will be beautiful--I think all Korean babies are. She is so lucky to have you as her Mom and she will be so blessed to have the gospel in her life. Good luck and keep blogging about your journey it is amazing!