The agonizing wait

The Pottery Barn quilt that I ordered for Clarissa's room came today and it's absolutely GORGEOUS. I spread it out on the floor and just sat on it for a while, thinking about what it's going to be like when Clarissa is finally here.

I swear, sometimes I honestly don't think that I can wait for one more second. I want her here with us so much. We're so ready for her, my heart needs her home with us. I feel like it's so close but still so far away and it's agonizing sometimes. I know she's out there somewhere and I just want to go get her.

But I can't so I just continue to wait. I pray that she's safe and loved and that she'll be here soon. That's pretty much all I can do right now.

In two weeks we will have officially reached the 14 month mark, which technically puts us in range where we could expect a referral at time. Unfortunately it sounds like things are moving kind of slowly right now and I just found out that we're still #7 on the list. I talked to our social worker recently and found out that there were no referrals last month and January and February are usually their slowest months. So while we are technincally in the range where we could be reaching the end of our wait, if things don't start picking up we could be waiting several more months. I was hoping for a referral as early as March, but if there are no referrals in January or February we'll still be #7 in March. Our agency gets an average of two referrals a month and sometimes as many as five, so normally being #7 would mean that we would be pretty close. We just got unlucky enough to be reaching the end of our wait right in the slow part of the year. Of course!

So at this point I can't really even guess when the referral is going to come. We really got our hopes up that the wait was going to be a little shorter than we originally though, but it's starting to look like we aren't going to be that lucky.

So I wait. Next week we're painting her bedroom and then we're going to recarpet it and in about 3-4 weeks her bed will be here and then I'm going to hang pictures on the wall and then I'm going to put clothes in her closet and then I'm just going to keep on waiting until the agency tells us that the wait is over. It will happen eventually, just not fast enough for me.

Waiting patiently has never been a talent of mine and this wait is definitely testing my limits! I just have this motherly instinct in me that wants my baby. I feel connected to her and I need her home. I feel like a mama lion pacing in my cage waiting for the zoo keepers to bring my cub back. And if they don't hurry up I'm going to start growling and pouncing on people, lol.

But for now I'm trying to be patient, so this mama lion is going to wrap herself up in her cubs new quilt, say a prayer and hope for the best.