A good friend of mine had a baby the day before yesterday and I got to go over and hold him last night!
I love newborn babies. I love their tiny little fingers and toes, I love the sounds they make, and I love the way they squint their eyes and look around like they're trying to figure out this new big bright world. I just couldn't get enough of my friends baby last night. He's really beautful and I'm so happy for their family.
When Josh was a baby it seemed like every single person I knew was having babies. I saw newborns all the time and I was constantly holding babies, either my own or a friends. Now that my kids are older and I've been out of that stage for a while, I rarely get the opportunity to hold babies anymore. Last night I realized how much I miss it!
Sometimes I'm a little sad that I'll be missing Clarissa's newborn stage. I'm not going to get to see her come into the world and help her get through those first days. I'm not going to be the first one to feed her and the first one to change her diaper. I'm going to miss those newborn cries, the first smile and all those really great first milestones. Good foster parents take a lot of pictures, so chances are I will have several newborn photos to look at when she gets here, but I will always feel a little sad that I didn't get to experience those first days with her.
Holding a newborn last night almost made me rethink not planning on having anymore biological children!! The reasons we've chosen not have more biological children are complicated, and I feel confident in that decision most of the time, but wow, as I was holding that baby last night I was seriously reconsidering! It's funny how as women we just have this instinct in us. I held that baby for half an hour last night and I was ready to run home and start tracking my ovulation schedule. :)
I'm not GOING to, but boy did I want to. I'm beyond thrilled to be bringing Clarissa into our home and I have a strong belief that this was God's plan for our family. I do feel a little bad about missing the newborn days, but I'm extremely excited for all the days ahead that we will get to spend with her. Bringing a child into your life is just a magical experience no matter how you do it and I just can't wait to get Clarissa home with us.