I don't really feel well today, so I've been lounging around the house all day watching too much TV.
This morning I was flipping channels and came across an episode of True Life on MTV about two pregnant teens who were preparing to place their babies for adoption. It was a really sad episode and it's been on my mind all day.
Then tonight we were watching Secret Life Of An American Teenager, which is the cheesiest show in the universe, but also about a teenage mother trying to decide what to do with her baby. I'm several episodes behind, so no one tell me if she decides on adoption or not until I catch up, but I was watching the episode where she finds out the sex of her baby and starts making it a video for it to watch some day.
I think it's partly because I don't feel well today and partly because I watched way too many sad birth mother stories today, but I finished watching that episode and bawled for half an hour. My sweet husband, who already knows that I'm far too emotional and has learned that it's no reason to panic if I suddenly burst into tears for no appparent reason, sat with me while I cried for Clarissa's birth mother and for all the women who make the extremely difficult decision not to parent their child.
I think about Clarissa's birth mother a lot, but for some reason the reality of it hit me extra hard tonight. I hurt for her so much. She has no idea where her baby is going. She doesn't know if she's going to be loved and cared for. While I'm jumping for joy that it's almost our turn for a referral there is a mother out there who is grieving for her baby, and I tonight I hurt for her.
I practically live and breathe adoption these days. I could spend forever listening to stories of families bringing home their new babies. I'm absolutely thrilled every time someone on the Korean adoption message board I visit announces their referral. I hear about adoption daily, but I mostly hear about the happy side. It's not as often that I hear the other side of it. I love Clarissa's mother so much for the sacrifice that she has made for Clarissa. I know she must be hurting. She doesn't know that there are two big brothers and two extremely excited parents waiting to love and care for her baby. I hope that someday she will know. There will always be a file at the adoption agency in Korea that she can check if she wants to and I'll make sure that there are photos and letters in there for her when she's ready for them. I hope she knows that her daughter will be loved and cherished.
Ugh, it's ridiculous how emotional I am tonight, lol. You know when you're pregnant and a long distance telephone commercial comes on and the kid gets to talk to his dad who is on a business trip or whatever and it makes you bawl your eyes out for a half an hour even though you know that you're crazy for bawling over it? That's totally me tonight, bawling over too much birth mother TV today, only I can't even blame it on being pregnant, lol.
I'll say an extra prayer tonight for Clarissa's birth mother and for all the mothers out there who had to make that difficult decision. I hope that they find peace.