Fridays have become the day when I obsessively check my e-mail every five minutes. That's the day that I get the weekly update e-mail from our agency which tells us if there have been any referrals that week.
It's the first thought in my head when I open my eyes every Friday morning. What's the e-mail going to say? Were there any referrals? Have we moved up on the list? What if there were none? What if there were THREE?! What time am I going to get the e-mail? Is it here yet? Is it here yet? Why isn't it here yet?!
It's not here yet. It's only noon, so there is still plenty of day left for it to show up, and most likely it's going to say that there were no referrals. But until I read that e-mail it's an obsessive thought in my head. I have e-mail on my Blackberry now, so I carry my Blackberry around like a crazy person on Fridays. I take it outside with me when I get Matthew on the school bus. What if the e-mail comes in the three minutes I'm outside?!
Everytime my Blackberry chimes to let me know I have e-mail I grab it like I'm drowning and it's the life saver. Has my life really come to this?! I know that we've probably still got at least two months before we can expect a referral. That's at least 8 more Fridays. Probably more. That's a lot more Fridays to obsess over.
I try to keep busy on Fridays, but it's hard. Before I made this blog post I was sitting here trying to read a book, but it's hard to concentrate when I keep glancing at my Blackberry every 30 seconds. What if I have e-mail and my Blackberry doesn't chime?! A little light flashes on my Blackberry when I have new e-mail. It's good to have a backup. :)
I've been staring at my computer and typing this post for about 9 minutes now. No e-mail yet.
I can't wait to reread this blog someday while I'm holding Clarissa in my arms. I hope that when I read this in the future it makes me laugh to remember how crazy I got while I was waiting. I hope that someday when my kids are older and they're putting me through teenage craziness and I start to wonder what in the world posessed me to have three kids, I hope that I look back on this blog and remember what it was. I hope I remember that no only did I want it, I made myself crazy waiting for it. I hope that I remember how much I agonized over every second until each of my kids arrived. Between two 9 month pregnancies and an adoption wait that will be about two years long by the time it's over, I've spent a lot of time waiting anxiously to meet my kids. I will never forget the first time I looked into the eyes of both of my boys. It was an amazing experience and I can't wait to experience the same moment with my daughter. Some things in life are totally worth the wait.
It's been 5 more minutes. No e-mail yet.