My blog is BORING lately! I haven't written much lately because at the moment I just don't have that much to write about. I've been busy, but I haven't been busy doing anything interesting enough to blog about.
The adoption wait is REALLY starting to get to me lately. I'm tempted daily to blog about how tired I am of waiting, but I think everyone is equally as tired of hearing my whine about it, so I try to keep the whining to a minimum. This might be one of those days where you just have to hear me whine though, so I apologize in advance. :) I promise that this blog is going to be a LOT more fun one of these days soon!
Now that we're getting so close I literally jump everytime the phone rings. We could get a call any day now. We're #3, but they don't always go with #1 first and last month they had three referrals in one week. So really the call could come at any moment.
But I think that's what's starting to get to me. It could come five minutes from now or it could come in May. Heck, it could come in June. When we knew we were still months away it didn't bother me quite as much, but now that we're SO CLOSE, it's driving me crazy. Every single morning I wake up wondering if today is going to be the day. I try to not to think about it too much, but it's hard. It's just constantly on my mind.
I've also reached the point where I'm feeling the way I did when I was nine months pregnant and everyone started asking me when the baby was due. Lately I feel like everyone I see asks me how much longer we have. I really REALLY appreciate that people care and I do like to talk about it, but when I'm trying to keep my mind off of it and it comes up in conversation all the time, it's hard. On one hand adoption is my favorite subject and I could yak about it all day long, but on the other hand it's frustrating at the moment and the more I talk about it the more frustrated I get. It depends on who asks and when they ask. I go back and forth all the time about wanting to talk about it and really not wanting to talk about it.
This weekend we're going to my grandpa's 91st birthday party and a lot of family is going to be there so I know I'm going to have to answer questions. Everyone asks the same questions. How much longer do you have? How long after you get matched do you bring the baby home? Are you going to Korea? Are you taking the boys? How long will you be in Korea? Have you picked out a name? How are the boys feeling about having a sister?
Seriously, every conversation I have pretty much goes the same way. I've answered those questions 800 times. It's OK, I'm actually happy that people are curious and care enough to ask, I just feel like a broken record sometimes answering the same questions over and over. I need to type up a memo and just hand it out to people. :)
Wow, I'm totally the nine month pregnant crabby lady, aren't I? I don't mind when people ask questions, I shouldn't make it sound like I hate it so much. I don't hate it, I just wish I could magically get the referral so I could have more exciting news to share! I would much rather go to my grandpas birthday party with a picture of our new baby and pass it around to everyone than to explain for the hundredth time that the referral could come any day now but we don't know when.
I think my biggest problem right now is that I'm such a control freak and not being able to control when the referral comes is really hard for me. If they told me that my referral was going to come on May 19th, I would totally go on happy with my life until May 19th and when people asked me when my referral was going to come I would happily tell them May 19th. It's the not knowing that is driving me crazy! It's having to tell people over and over that I don't know that is driving me crazy. I just want to KNOW already!!
If I'm this crazy now, imagine how nutty I'm going to be after we get the referral and we're waiting for our paperwork to be approved. Talk about not knowing. There are several different things that have to be approved by the government before we can go to Korea and get Clarissa and at each stage there's absolutely no way to know how long it's going to take. The average time to complete everything is 3-6 months. I see lots and lots of people that get it all done in about 3-4 months, but every now and then someone will get stuck somewhere for no apparent reason. The fastest I ever saw anyone complete the whole process and go get their baby was 2 months and three weeks. That was shockingly fast! The longest I've ever seen it take anyone was TEN MONTHS! That was some sort of special circumstance or something though. I don't know the details. Most of the time it's 3-4 months and I'm hoping and praying that it doesn't take any longer than that for us!
So basically I'm just in limbo right now. I'm having a really hard time just going about my daily life without obsessing over the referral all day. Everytime I have to schedule an appointment for anything or anytime someone mentions something that is coming up I can't help but wonder if we're going to have our referral by then. My life these days revolves around when the referral might come. My It's on my mind 24/7.
I think this whole experience has just been one big lesson in patience for me. I've never been a patient person when it comes to waiting for things. I know that the day is coming soon and I know that when it does it's going to be totally worth all the stress and frustration I had getting there, I just wish the end of the wait was today. :) More than anything I wish that I could pick up a photo right this minute and look into Clarissa's eyes and know that she's ours and that she's coming home to us. She's out there somewhere, I know she is. I'm ready to bring her home.