Sunday, April 19, 2009

Still waiting...

I feel like I haven't posted much lately. Or if I have it hasn't been anything interesting!

I'm sort of in a low point with the adoption wait right now. I've thought about it so much and I've talked about it so much that at the moment I'm totally burned out. I'm literally tired of listening to myself talk about it. And now I shall proceed to talk about it. Again. :)

On Tuesday we will have officially waited 17 months. That's long enough, don't you think?? The projected wait time right now for our agency is 15-17 months. On Tuesday we start month 18. I'm thinking month 18 is just going to start to get really depressing!! Every time the phone rings I think it's the agency and then everytime I answer it and it's not I resent the person for calling me and making me think it was the agency, lol. I'm just a ball of fun right now, aren't I?!

Knowing that I have a daughter out there somewhere that I haven't met yet is a weird feeling. My daughter is actually a living breathing person, living on the other side of the world somewhere right now. Knowing that she's out there somewhere, being taken care of by strangers and all I can do is hope and pray that she's being loved is hard. What is she doing right now? Is she awake? Asleep? Eating? Laughing? Crying? Whatever she's doing, I wish she were doing it here instead of on the other side of the world. I want to see her face. I want to hear her Korean name. I want to know when her birthday is. I have a child out there somewhere and I don't even know when her birthday is. I sometimes think that I just literally can't stand it for one more day.

But then I do, because I have no choice. Since getting on an airplane, flying across the ocean and frantically searching through Seoul for my baby isn't an option, I just keep on waiting. One of these days the phone is going to ring and it's going to be the agency letting me know that the time is finally here. One of these days its going to be our turn. That's going to be a pretty sweet day.


Jill said...

Prayers for you in this tough time of waiting.

Tina said...

I hope the wait for your family to be together is not much longer.

Can I ask a few questions?

Will you go and get her (in Korea) or will she be brought to you?
Once you receive your referral how long is estimated before she is in your arms?


Anna said...

ahh Wendy. I'm sorry you are sick of waiting- and still have to wait. If you don't have a caller ID phone- sounds like you need one. Then you can just get your hopes up when you see the agency's number. They did change the wait time to 18 months didn't they? You should definitely know before then.

Wendy said...

I can completely relate to the waiting for the phone to ring, hoping every time it rings that it's the agency. I know that it's tough, no matter waht type of adoption you do, the wait is always hard. I have said so many times since our son was born "If I had only known that we were waiting for him, knew a time frame, and that it was all going to work out it would have been so much easier."

When "the call" finally comes you will be breathless, excited, scared, and feel every emotion possible in that one second, even though you are expecting it and know that it WILL happen. It IS happening.

And when they put your Clarissa in your arms, all that waiting, worrying, even impatience all disappears. Then suddenly it's been 2 years and you realize that you have had her longer than you waited for her and you realize that every second of waiting was worth it. Worth every tear, every frustration, everything!

Can't wait to hear that you have your referral!

~April~ said...

Hugs for you Wendy! It will come. And it will be amazing! I can't wait either!! I'm so excited for you.

stephanie said...

I have adopted three children and have experienced many of the frustrations of adoption. all of my children are from alabama so I don't know how hard it is to have a child out there and just have to wait but I can imagine that is very difficult.
I hope all goes well and you get your girl soon.