Friday, May 29, 2009

It's me again with post #3!

Ok, I'm TOTALLY breaking my own rule today, but there is some adoption related stuff that went on this afternoon that I really want to talk about. The problem is that it's kind of a long complicated story and I can't tell you most of it because I'm not allowed to share specifics on other families at the agency or children waiting to be adopted.

So I'll tell you the condensed version and apologize for the fact that I can't give any details and none of it may make any sense.

There was some info in the Friday update that I needed clarification on, so I called the agency. In the course of the conversation I found out that there is still another family ahead of us and that they've been waiting for quite a bit longer than we have.

I didn't realize that. I didn't realize that there was still someone ahead of us and I didn't realize that they have been waiting that much longer than we have.

What does that mean? Well, unfortunately it means that this wait could go on a lot longer than I thought. I know more than I can say (not like there's any shocking information, I'm just not allowed to discuss specifics about other families or their wait), but at this point I'm not expecting the phone to ring with a referal any minute. At this point it would not surprise me if it's another month. It could still happen at any time, but knowing what I know now, I'm not counting on it to be in the next few weeks.

Argh. There's a whole novel of information I would like to pour out right now but I can't and it's frustrating. This is usually my outlet for all things adoption related, and I want to write paragraphs about it, but I can't do that without giving specifics on things that are privacy issues for the agency.

So I'm a little depressed about it at the moment. Actually, I'm kind of a lot depressed. I feel like there's this prize that is always dangling right in front of my face but I can never quite reach it, and everytime I feel like I'm closer someone yanks it back a little further. They're all things that the agency has absolutely no control over, so I know that it's just a matter of continuing to be patient for a while longer, but it's really hard.

I honestly never saw this going past May. I should have prepared myself better for the possibility, but I didn't. I was 100% sure that I would be holding a photo of my baby in my hands by now.

So tonight I'm having a serious pity party. I'm going to eat lemon raspberry cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory (my sure cure depression relieving treat) and I'm going to give myself the evening to pout like a five year old and then I'm going to slap my happy face back on and go back to waiting like a grown up.

My baby is out there. I'm ready when she is.


Jill said...

It's so hard when you feel so ready, but the world isn't on your timeline. I pray for you daily that God will grant you relief from this long period of stress.

kristalina said...

(((((HUGS))))) I'm so sorry. I know it probably doesn't help, but trust that the long wait is because God is making sure that you are matched with the little girl who was meant just for you.

Kaylene said...

((((HUGS)))) I really hope it happens for both of your families ASAP! These babies are waiting, and they need their REAL Mommies and Daddies! It'll all work out and soon, but it's gotta be hard.

AuraLee said...

I honestly never saw this going past May. I should have prepared myself better for the possibility, but I didn't.

This statement for any adoptive parent hit it right on the spot. There is no ability to 'prepare' yourself for longer waiting, that wait is torture! I don't think ANYONE can 'prepare' themselves. !!honestly!!! Being through the process 2 times for 2 diff adoptions, you can never be prepared enough.

But, in your 3rd post, focus on the kiddos you already have, is a wonderful start. But, keep the focus on Clarissa, it will keep the boys up beat, and yourself. You are doing soo much to be ready, how can you not want her home already? I want her home for you!!!! :0)

Wendy, hang in there... It IS all in God's hands, and when that time is right, it will make even more sense-Trust me, looking back, all 3 of our blessings came at the right time. <3 and yours will, too!