Still Waiting

Seriously. How much longer can I POSSIBLY wait for this referral before I literally go insane? I think I need to change my blog contest to "how many more days until Wendy officially loses her mind".

Bleh. The phone rang a little while ago and I found myself noting exactly what time it was when it rang, just in case it was the referral and I wanted to permanently remember exactly what time I got it. That's REALLY sad, lol.

It wasn't the referral, it was a good friend of mine letting me know that we're having a girls afternoon on Friday. I have two really good friends that live near me and they're so great at knowing when it's time to drag me out of the house. Friday afternoon is going to be kind of depressing around here if I get the Friday update letting me know that there were more referals that weren't ours, so spending the afternoon giggling with friends is exactly what I need to keep my mind off of it. I don't know what I'd do without my sweet friends.

Today I'm mostly just wandering the house, trying to keep busy. I'm reading a book today. I'm almost embarassed to admit what it is though! I'm reading Stori Telling, which is Tori Spellings autobiography. Cheesy, I know. I like autobiographies though. I like getting a look into people's lives, and Tori Spelling makes me laugh. Donna Martin graduated the same year that I did. Tori Spelling is a part of my teenage life. :)

That, sadly, is the most exciting thing going on around here today. I feel like I've gotten to the point where I'm practically pacing back and forth in front of the phone, waiting for it to ring with our referral call. It consumes my day. My goal every day is just to find something to keep me busy enough that I don't stare at the phone. Both of my kids are in school in the afternoons, so I'm home alone and it gets awfully quiet around here. I'd leave the house and go do something, but what if she calls while I'm gone?! She has my cellphone number, but sometimes I don't hear it when it rings.

May is almost over. The closer we get to June the most desperate I get for the call. For the past year and a half May has kind of been my mental "due date". I never thought it was going to go past May and for a while I thought it would probably be earlier. Now unless it miraculously arrives by Friday, it's looking like it's probably going to go into June.

I keep playing this mental game with myself, reminding myself of other things I waited for in the past that finally happened. I keep reminding myself of things that seemed really far away, but have now passed. I remember every Christmas morning when I was little. We weren't allowed to wake our parents up until a certain time, I think it was 6am or something, and we weren't allowed to see our presents until they were awake. Of course my siblings and I used to wake up hours early because we were so excited. I remember Christmas mornings the three of us would get in to bed together and wait out those last few hours before we could wake up our parents. We would lay there and try to guess what our presents would be and we would stare at the clock, waiting for the time to pass. The last twenty minutes or so used to always feel like they took forever! But 6am always did eventally come and Christmas morning always arrived.

Remember when you're a kid and you realize what your high school graduation year will be for the first time and it seems like that is a hundred years away? I graduated from high school 16 years ago. Remember when we talked about the year 2000 like it was some mystical thing? We hit the year 2000 over nine years ago. When I was 18 I was dating a guy who was leaving the country for two years and when he left I remember thinking that those two years were never going to pass. They did. That guy is now married with three kids. When Shawn and I first got married he had four years of college left and that seemed like an eternity to us. Not only did those four years pass, but eight more have passed since he graduated.

So one of these days I'll be holding Clarissa in my arms and thinking back to the time when I was waiting and I thought the day was never going to come. All those other things that I thought were never going to happen finally did and this will too.

I just really wish that it would happen today. :)