Monday, June 1, 2009


Well here we are again, another Monday. Will this be the week? Something tells me probably not. After the conversation I had with the agency on Friday I've had to lower my expectations a bit. There's still someone in front of us, so the next girl referral most likely won't be ours, plus there hasn't been a girl referral at all for several weeks. The woman at our agency said that she called the Korean agency and asked them what was up with all the boys and they said that they just aren't seeing as many girl referrals lately.

Historically, Koreans don't have a positive view of adoption at all. It's shameful in their country to adopt a child or to be adopted. That's why so many Korean children are adopted overseas. Koreans just don't adopt. But in recent years the government has tried really hard to change that, and they've been working to change peoples view on adoption. As a result, in the past couple of years adoption has become a lot more accepted in Korea and more Koreans are adopting-but they're only adopting girls. It's a bloodline issue, it's sort of complicated.

So there are less babies available for international adoptions and the ones that are being send overseas are mostly boys. Some agencies won't let you choose gender at all. Our agency will let you choose a girl only if you currently have sons and no daughter. So not everyone gets to choose. Most people just get what they get, and the few people who are allowed to choose girl referrals sometimes get stuck at the top of the list.

That's where we're at now. Stuck at the top of the list. Along with one other family who has been stuck a few months longer than we have. Our agency continues to get referrals regularly, but they're all for boys, so we just sit at the top of the list and get skipped. It's entirely possible that tomorrow there are going to be two girl referrals and we'll both get our calls. It could happen. Will it? Probably not, but at this point it's impossible to say.

Remember earlier this year when they went three months with no referrals at all and then suddenly they got three in one week? You just never know what's going to happen. They could go two months with no girl referrals and then suddenly get two or three at once. Or they could trickle in slowly, one at a time and make us all crazy waiting. At the moment that seems to be the case.

So we wait. I could happen tomorrow or it could happen in a month. I have no idea. When I consider the possibility of it not happening until July I get a little sick to my stomach, so I try not to think about it too much. At this point I'm being cautiously optimistic. I'm not sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring like I was, but I'm not losing hope that it's going to happen soon. It's still possible.

Today I have things to keep me busy, which is good. I have a whole bunch of stuff to do this morning for my church job and this afternoon I have a meeting that will take a few hours. By the time I'm all done with that the kids will be coming home and it will be time to start thinking about dinner. The trick is to just keep busy.

So I'll stay busy and I'll keep waiting. Clarissa is out there somewhere and when the time is right we're going to finally get to see her. In the meantime I'm going to do my best not to let the waiting drive me crazy!


Tracie said...

Wendy, I am so, so sorry! I'm going to keep hoping they have two girl referrals this week...

Tayva said...

I haven't commented in a while, but I still love to read your blog. I am so intrigued with your journey to adopt Clarissa and I can't even begin to imagine the emotional roller coaster that you are on. I hope that prayers are answered and that you get your referral soon. I will be anxiously awaiting your post when the referral comes in! Just know that you have a big cheering section, I'm sure from all across the country that is rooting for you.