I know people are waiting for updates on how things are going here and I keep meaning to give long updates filled with photos and fun information, but I'm so busy with Clarissa that the day gets away from me and by the evening I'm too exhausted.
When I think of the kind of mom-with-a-baby I want to be I imagine that I'm going to be one of those moms who is always dressed with my hair done by 8am and a nicely organized to-do list. The house will be clean, we'll have the errands run by noon and we'll spend the afternoon at the park. It's all very nice in my head, lol. In reality at the moment I'm one of those moms wearing pajamas at noon with sweet potatoes on my shirt and rice cereal in my hair. My house looks like we invited hurricane Katrina over for a play date and last nights stimulating family conversation was whether we should have Arbys or Carls Jr. for dinner.
Having said that, I AM ridiculously happy with our current situation I just wish I was a little more June Cleaver and a little less Rosanne Conner at the moment, lol.
Having a baby in the house again has thrown me for a loop a little! I totally feel like a first time mom again! It's been six years since we had a baby in the house and in that time I've apparently forgotten how to to do it, lol. Clarissa is SO much fun and I'm having a ball with her, it's just taking me some time to figure out how to take a shower when you're home alone with a baby and to remember that you can't go grocery shopping when it's nap time! We'll figure it all out.
Clarissa is a really happy baby and I'm loving playing with her during the day. When she grins her whole face crinkles up and it melts my heart every single time. The boys are so in love with her, she fits in to our family absolutely perfectly.
She's still super clingy to me though, which is totally normal given what she's been through. Everything I've read about attachment says that they often pick a "safe" person and hang on for dear life at first. She's not necessarily clinging to me because she loves me yet, but at the moment I'm her safe person. The love and trust develops over time. I have to admit, I kind of like it-she's SUPER snuggly and loves to be held and cuddled. I could snuggle with her all day long. It's the reason I'm not getting anything done though!
We're still having sleeping issues with her because she only wants to sleep ON me. Not next to me, but on top of me. She's sleeping in our bed for the time being, which we planned on all along, but she can't realistically (or safely!) sleep on me all night, so we've spent a lot of time awake with her a night. I wait until she falls asleep and then try to roll her off of me and lay her next to me, but she's on to that trick. It doesn't work.
Every day she is becoming more and more comfortable with us and is more comfortable playing on the floor with toys during the day and being away from me a little bit, but when it comes to night time she's still hanging on to me like a life raft in the ocean. I feel really bad for her, she must be so confused. She likes us fine but I'm sure she's still wondering where her foster mother is and when she's coming back. The lack of sleep is really hard for me, but I have to keep reminding myself that what I'm going through is nothing compared to what she's going through. So I'll keep being patient and hopefully over time she'll relax a bit and be more comfortable sleeping on her own at night.
So between the fact that I'm not sleeping at night and I have a baby who loves to be snuggled all day, my hair isn't done, my house looks like Toy's R Us threw up and dinner often involves pepperoni and a delivery guy. It's still week one though. Maybe by next week I'll have the schedule down a little better and I'll magically become June Cleaver. I DOUBT it, but we can always hope! :)