Exactly one year ago right now I was next door at a baby shower for a good friend of mine. I was watching her open gifts with a smile on my face but an ache in my heart. We had been waiting for our adoption referral for so long and that night I was especially having a hard time.
Exactly one year ago right now Clarissa's birth mother was in labor, getting ready to go through probably one of the most difficult days of her life. While I was at the baby shower feeling a little sad, I had no idea that there was another woman on the other side of the world getting ready to say hello and goodbye to her beautiful little girl.
Clarissa's birthday isn't technically until tomorrow. Her birth certificate list her birthday as February 4th and that's the day we'll celebrate it, but because of the time difference she was actually born around 11pm on February 3rd US time.
I've been to the room she was born in. I've walked down the hall on the maternity floor her birth mother probably paced up and down. I've seen the bassinet that Clarissa was placed in after her birth and the nursery she stayed in for the next three days. I can imagine what probably went on there the day she was born but I can't even begin to imagine the pain her birth mother must have been in. Saying goodbye to the child you carried inside of you for nine months must be one of the hardest things a person can go through.
Tomorrow will be filled with happiness and excitement for Clarissa's first birthday and I'm looking forward to kissing her sweet little one year old face in the morning. But tonight I just can't stop thinking about her birth mother and what's she's probably going through right now. I know that Clarissa must be on her mind. I know she's probably wondering where her daughter is and who is taking care of her. She probably wonders what she looks like and if she's happy and being loved. I can't imagine not knowing.
Tonight I'm feeling especially grateful for the sacrifice that she made. In our adoption paperwork it says that she placed Clarissa for adoption because she wanted a better life for her than she was able to provide. I know that it was a decision made out of love and I'll make sure that Clarissa knows that too.
I wish that I could be there with the birth mother today. I wish that I could give her a hug and let her know that her daughter is beautiful and happy and loved. As happy as I am to be celebrating Clarissa's birthday, my heart hurts for the birth mother and for what she's missing.
The beautiful baby she said goodbye to a year ago is now almost walking, she loves music, she loves cats, she loves her daddy and she hates mashed potatoes! She has 8 teeth, she giggles if you tickle her neck and she squeals with happiness when her brothers walk in the door from school. She's extremely curious and a little mischievous at times. She's smart and funny and loving and she's such a blessing in our lives.
So tonight I'll say an extra prayer for her birth mother. I hope that she has found peace in her life and I hope that someday I'll be able to thank her in person for the beautiful gift she has given us.