Today it has officially been one year since we saw Clarissa's sweet photo and learned who she was for the first time. Wow, that was one seriously fast year, wasn't it?!
Thinking about that day makes me smile. Partly because seeing your child for the first time is pretty much the most amazing experience ever, and partly because I remember how completely FREAKED OUT I was after we got the news, lol!
Suddenly I just had a moment of "CRAP! We're flying to Korea and bringing home a BABY"! and then my anxiety kicked in and I totally freaked out, lol. Looking back on it now it's totally hillarious to me because it's so typical of the way I function. I second guess everything in my life and I over analyze EVERYTHING. I can't just be happy about anything without turning it over and examining it from every angle.
(Incidentally, I had the same freakout right before I gave birth to both boys. When I was pregnant with Josh I told Shawn that I had changed my mind about the whole childbirth thing and he had to remind me that it was kind of too late for that, lol.)
The next morning after I had calmed down and managed to sleep a little, the panic was over and it was replaced by excitement again. I must have looked at Clarissa's picture a million times that day. We went to the Portland Zoo that day and I kept making Shawn and the boys stop and look at her, lol. I had to stop myself from going up to total strangers and showing them her photo!
I know all the answers to those questions now. She was living in an apartment with the most loving foster parents we could possibly have hoped for. She was happy and well cared for and loved every minute that she was in Korea. I'll be forever grateful to her wonderful foster parents for that.
A year ago today we were jumping head first into the unknown and it was scary. Bringing a child into your life is always scary, whether you adopt them, give birth to them or whatever. It's a life changing experience.
Josh and Matthew and Clarissa have all changed my life for the better. I'm so grateful to be a mom and that I've had these amazing experiences in my life. Looking back on that day a year ago, I had no idea then what at amazing journey we were about to take. Maybe it's a good thing because if I had known how wonderful it was going to be I never could have made it through the rest of the wait.