I'm struggling. The past few weeks have just been crappy for my diet and exercise. I don't know what changed, but I just all of a sudden needed a break from it. I'm burnt out. I'm still exercising, but my diet has been crappy this week. I've lost my motivation or my willpower or something.
I tend to shut down every year when the weather gets cold. As soon as the sun goes away I hibernate until spring. I swore to myself that I wouldn't do it this year but I can already see it happening. I get up in the morning and it's dark outside and I just want to stay in bed or curl up on the couch with a blanket. For all the changes I've made this year, this one seems to be the hardest change to make.
I'm definitely not giving up on the diet and exercise. I've worked too hard and come too far. I ran yesterday and I set a new personal record for the longest run without stopping. Which wasn't super long, but it was still better than I've ever done. I'm proud of how well I've done and I really don't want to stop now. The diet is killing my right now though. I'm trying but I fail more often than I'm successful. I've gained a couple of pounds back and that just depresses me.
So for the moment I'm taking a step back and I'm not weighing myself. When I first started this whole thing I had a big pep talk with myself. When I have dieted in the past it was all about the number on the scale. If the number was good I was happy and if it was bad I was cranky and wanted to give up. I told myself that the reason I was going to succeed this time was that this time it wasn't going to be about the number, it was going to be about feeling better and getting healthy.
That worked for a while, but lately it has been all about the number. I've become too focused on the number on the scale lately and when it didn't move fast enough it got frustrating and I wanted to give up.
My goal is to get healthy. I want to be able to run, I want a healthy heart, I want to feel good and be strong and happy. That was the point of this all along. I get burned out when it becomes all about the number and I start trying to push myself to go farther than I'm realistically able to go.
So I'm taking a time out. I'm not giving up, I'm just taking a step back from obsessing about it. I'm really hard on myself sometimes and I don't want to be when it comes to this. I've done great so far and I can continue to do great. I just don't want a bad week on the scale to derail everything.
So I'm not tracking my weight for now. I'm going to continue to run and I'm going to fight to get my diet back on track and I'm going to be gentle with myself when I have a bad day. I'm going to work on not letting the lack of sunshine get me down and I'm going find ways to keep moving.
So if I don't blog about it as much for a bit, it's not because I've given up, it's because I've recognized that obsessing about it is burning me out. I'm still hanging in there and I'll update periodically.
I'm still hanging in there. I can do this. :)