Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Update

I'm not even sure if anyone is reading my blog anymore. I know I've kind of dropped the ball on it. Life got crazy.

But I wanted to update you on something important, although I apologize that it will be a little vague and short. We have been communicating with our adoption agency recently and we have had the opportunity to open Clarissa's adoption. Her birth family contacted the Korean agency a couple of months ago and requested contact and we have agreed. As much as you all know that I'm long winded and can't give a short explaination about anything, this one will be short, because I'm tying to protect the privacy of everyone involved. 

Basically, due to some complicated circumstances (that are all fine and good, just complicated), I am communicating with Clarissa's birth aunt, not her birth mother. The agency has decided that this is an acceptable situation, and we have agreed, so they have backed out of it and I am communicating directly by email with Clarissa's aunt, who speaks English. We have received a few photos of her birth mother and we are slowly getting to know each other. 

Right now it's pretty much just me and the aunt in email, and it will remain that way for the time being. Clarissa knows, her birth mother knows, but right now it's just me and the aunt having some conversations and getting to know each other. 

It's a sensitive situation for all involved and opening an adoption 8 years in comes with some adjustment, but I'm grateful for this opportunity, and we are starting very slow and seeing where it goes. I will probably not mention much more about it, because at this point, it's Clarissa's story to tell, not mine, and it's important to me to protect her privacy. 

I will say that this is extremely rare are hardly ever happens. The official situation in Korean adoptions is that they're all closed until the child turns 18, at which time, if they choose, the agency will open their files and help them try to contact the birth parents, but more often than not it's unsuccessful. Having an option Korean adoption while the child is still young is pretty rare, and is basically just handled on a case by case basis when it comes up. So here we are. 

I could go on for pages about this to be honest, and I'm holding myself back from saying all the things I really want to say because I really do want to maintain everyone's privacy and this just doesn't feel like something to share publicly. But needless to say, there are lots of emotions happening, some questions have been answered and we're all still getting used to this new development. I'm grateful for this opportunity. I have always said that one day I wanted to hug the woman who gave my child life and tell her thank you, and now I know that there is a possibility of that actually happening. An in-person meeting is likely eventually, but not for a while. But we're all open to it when Clarissa is older and decides she's ready. 

Until then, we are getting to know each other and we're grateful for the things we've learned and the connections we've made. I have always said that adotion is both beautiful and heartbreaking, and both of those things have never been more true to me than the are right now. It's been an emotional few weeks.

So there is that story. I'm sorry it's vague. Maybe some day Clarissa will want to tell the story in her own words. But for now, I'm just feeling really grateful for all the love she has in her life. She is loved by a birth family, by a foster family, and is so loved by our family. There's no bigger blessing in life than the love of family. 

Here are some photos I took of her yesterday. I love this girl with all my heart. 

Disney

clarissa1


4 comments:

Sara L said...

I am still reading your blog and appreciate the updates

Kristin Weeks said...

I'm still here! I love reading this, such an amazing adventure :)

Unknown said...

I'm still here reading Wendy! Back from babycenter days...here I am with a 12 and almost 15 year old now!

Unknown said...

I'm still here reading Wendy! Back from babycenter days...here I am with a 12 and almost 15 year old now!